Life-Giving

Dave’s sister coined that term a while back and it’s a concept that’s stuck with me. Even when she’s out here spending time with the kids, she’ll schedule life-giving things for herself: a jazz concert, time for deep conversation.

I think to me, something life-giving is something that restores a part of myself that I’ve maybe lost, or lost sight of. That’s the thing about mothering: it’s all-consuming in a way no other venture really is. God created me to enjoy and be good at a lot of things: to write, to play music, to travel, to teach, to knit, to draw, to study, to enjoy stories, to linger in deep conversation, to be in nature, to shop, to bake, okay, to sleep—the list goes on. Some of those things are incorporated into what I do with the kids, sure, and there’s a unique kind of pleasure in that, but the parts I did for myself just fade away. Not so much amputated as atrophied, until one day I find myself with some time off and don’t even know what to do.

You would think doing something life-giving is automatic, but it’s not, especially when you’re out of routine. My default isn’t really to ask, “what can I do to restore a sense of myself?” My default is to eat chocolate ice cream (which I’m doing right now—why aren’t there more ice cream places around here? that’s one thing I miss about Boston) and read escapist novels. Which usually leaves me more loath to return to real life rather than refreshed for it.

Everyone’s list probably looks different, but things that generally fall into this category for me are: a deep conversation with a friend (away from the kids; play-dates don’t count). Playing the piano for a length of time (again, away from the kids, who like to join in—sensing a theme here). Visiting a yarn store. Browsing in a bookstore. Meeting with a friend. Shopping for myself. Taking an art class (taking any kind of class). Journaling to God. Eating something new. Being surrounded by nature. Giving a good lecture. Taking a nap in a quiet house.

Sometimes I don’t know I need to be doing something life-giving until I’m at the point of burn-out, but one of my resolutions this year is to be better at taking care of myself. I tend to get obsessed with a task at the exclusion of all else, and since parenting is one non-ending task, I actually need to remind myself that it’s okay to leave the kids, to get out, to do something that helps me remember who I am. The more I enjoy myself in the different ways God created me to be, the more I enjoy God, the more I enjoy the kids, the more life I can pour into them. I actually need to put some forethought and nearly always some planning into it, since it’s not a default, and since doing anything without kids involves planning. But it’s always worth it.