Celebrating

I don’t know if it was an Asian-culture thing or a family-culture thing, but we were never big on celebrations growing up. We had simple birthday parties up through high school, and some Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas traditions, but didn’t make much of most other holidays. Holidays faded into non-existence during medical school and residency; if we got a holiday off—and we’re talking Christmas, not Jackson Lee Day—that was good enough. Dave grew up with fewer traditions than I did, so after we got married it’s been pretty natural to be low-key about holidays. Most of them seem overly commercialized to me. Neither of us have ever been the kind of people who get offended if we don’t get a birthday or thank-you card (and thus aren’t the best about remembering to send them either).

Then we had kids. Specifically, we have a kid in school. And school is all about the holidays. There are the endless rounds of birthday parties, which at a minimum have a major activity, a themed birthday cake, and a big favor bag. There is Halloween, when they all have to wear costumes for a parade. There is Christmas, where they dress up and see Santa. And Valentine’s Day? Forget pressure to get your significant something; there’s more pressure to get your kids valentines to exchange with all the other kids. We went the night before and the stores were nearly sold out. And apparently any holiday is an excuse for kids to give each other enormous amounts of candy.

So I’ve been forced to acknowledge holidays. But I’m also seeing other sides to it. Our friend and nanny uses the holidays to read themed books, do themed crafts, and teach them things like bible verses about love. We had a valentine tea party yesterday with another friend’s two children, featuring jello hearts, pink cookies, and valentine cards tucked into personalized felt envelopes. They are like family, and is was something to see all the kids laughing and shouting together with so much joy.

We have friends here who celebrate things: not as a cause for burden or obligation, or a reason to spend money out of guilt or social pressure, but as opportunity to pause in our lives and remember to be thankful. To enjoy community, to practice generosity. To establish traditions, to practice rituals. Celebrations can be helpful landmarks: ways to ground us amidst the passing of time, reminders to step outside of the everyday. They are really just what we make of them, and some years we may be too busy or tired to do much, but the beautiful thing about a growing family is that you can continually make new traditions. I’ve been collecting some ideas: making ornaments each year for the tree, taking a family photo at a certain time, starting a blank book in which the kids draw or write messages for mom and dad each year for mother’s and father’s day. It would be nice to create celebrations for the kids that teach them about what we’re commemorating, that introduce some magic and charm, that remind them to live out community, generosity, ritual and reflection. And those would probably be good reminders for me too.