Being In The Moment With The Kids

I’ve been thinking lately how I need to make undistracted time to enjoy the kids, to be in the moment with them. It’s ironic, how I’m staying at home to do just that, yet either get so caught up doing other stuff I’m not really focusing on them, or get so taken over by tired grumpiness that I’m counting down the hours until naptime. I’m around them, but I’m not really with them.

My friend described this as “getting down on the ground” with her toddlers: stopping whatever she was doing, lying down on the ground and focusing her sole attention on them for a bit. That’s what I need to do: mentally stop myself from running down my to-do list, thinking ahead about what to make for dinner, analyzing the shortest route to put away the assortment of toys on the counter—and instead just be with my kids. When was the last time I took time to simply observe them? Asked them a question without any kind of agenda? Sat down beside them just to be present? Did something with them for no other purpose than having fun?

I mean, sure, I do some of that, but usually only if it can be fit in after I do all my other tasks. But as usual, the most important things aren’t the most urgent things. I think my kids sense when my attention is fully on them, and when I’m distracted. And with four of them around, I think each child senses when I’m focused only on them, or when I’m distracted by their siblings, and that “mommy has time just for me” feeling is important.

There are a few ways to make this kind of time. I think one is just to be attentive and open for unexpected opportunities of undistracted connection with each child—sometimes the best moments are the spontaneous ones. Or the ones that happen after discipline. This involves having a mindset of mindfulness, of being present and tuned in to your kids, so you can catch those moments when they arise. It involves not being so externally committed that you are unavailable or unaware.

Another way is to schedule these times in. Dave and I try to take each of the kids out alone for a date about once a month. We have the regular luxury of dropping off one or two of them with my parents to have more undivided attention for the others. We took Ellie on a trip by herself to D.C. before she started kindergarten, which would be a nice tradition to continue with the others. We make bedtime routines a priority. Other times for undistracted attention might be during dinner, a daily walk, or ten minutes set aside during the evening.

Sometimes I think: God has given me these children to delight in, and how much better would my days be if I did that, if I enjoyed the moment with them. These days won’t last forever.