Nearly There

The house is quiet right now. When you have a five-, three-, and one-year old, that doesn’t happen very much. They’re actually pretty good kids and play quietly not uncommonly, but there’s rarely this sense of stillness. It’s a Saturday afternoon, and they are all asleep; even Dave is napping. It feels like we worked for this quiet; we left from a church baptism event perilously close to their naptime, and pulled out nearly every trick in the bag to keep them awake during the thirty-plus minute drive back. Poor Elijah didn’t take it too well, but if that guy sleeps even five minutes in the car, he’s up all afternoon. I remember someone from our church saying he used to hit his kids in the car on the way home to keep them up.

This fourth one is due in less than two weeks. I am feeling at my most gravid, flanks bulging, fundus-to-sternum big, shuffling around feeling like my innards are going to drop out. Physically, I am ready to be done: evening acknowledging this is the last time, it is hard to savor anything about it. My body takes pretty well to pregnancy, but I’ve never been one of those women who relish the state.

Emotionally, I’m more and more ready. I always have this nagging sense of fear as the time approaches, not that anything will go wrong as much as dreading having to go through labor at all, but several things have happened in the past few weeks that have helped. I’ve had two wonderful baby showers thrown at work and church, which while unasked for, helped me feel that I, and this baby, are anticipated and loved, which I think is rare in our society for the fourth. It helps me see past the labor a bit.

God has also given me some good words of courage and promise, through our study of Deuteronomy in BSF, and of Daniel in our church small group. Just this past week we read, “be strong and courageous,” how the Lord has gone before us and will not forsake us, how the three Israelites yielded up their bodies and Christ walked with them in the furnace. Over and over is the theme: the suffering or trial will be there, but be strong, have faith, know you are not alone, know there is redemption and promise in the end. And you can do it, just like the people who have before you, and the times you have done it before. And several people have shared words they’ve received about this baby, how she will do great things for God’s kingdom, how she will knit together and complete our family, wonderful things that my short-sighted, crippled-by-impending-labor self needs to hear.

There always seems to be this golden period just before the next baby comes, a place of good balance just before everything gets upturned again. Right now, we’re at a pretty healthy place: our jobs are growing and not stressful; the kids are a delight and flourishing; we have a fulfilling teaching ministry at church; we are connecting in our marriage. We have time for a few hobbies. All three are sleeping in the same room and reliably through naps and through the night. This seems to be about where God likes to shake things up a bit. Guess we’ll go along for the ride and see…