It Takes A Village

I’m home for Christmas. I’m wearing new pajamas, in a freshly-sheeted bed with a cinnamon candle burning. My sister is nursing her seven-week old to sleep. My dad put E to bed, which really means he let her fall asleep with him for an hour before finally putting her in the crib. My mom decked out the house, baked a turkey in time for our arrival, and stocked the place with toys and books.

E puttered around the house all afternoon, constantly eating, both the food my mom made especially for her, and the food made for everyone else, until her stomach got enormously large. She would pat it fondly while waddling around. Everyone took turns keeping an eye on her wherever she wandered around the house. My sister’s newborn got passed from arm to arm so we all got a chance to eat, or talk, or nap.

I think we’ve lost this kind of community in the real world. Coming home always makes me realize that children are meant to be raised in community—a real one, not a manufactured series of play-dates so we can tick “social interaction” off our list, or in a daycare where parents rush in and out without even knowing the names of the other kids in the room. Children love being around lots of people who love them. They need to be around people who teach them different things in different ways.

And it’s so much healthier for us too. It’s rewarding to see how much she delights our friends and family. And we need a break, so we don’t lose ourselves; to recharge our marriages. Seeing how other people love her also helps me love and appreciate her in different, new, or deeper ways. Other people bring different things out of her. Other people see things about her that I miss, or that I’m too tired or habituated to notice.

This would be a nice way of life. But in our individualistic, fragmented society, it’s so hard to find, and sometimes it seems harder to find the farther along you get in life. It makes me grateful for times like these at home. And it helps me resolve to be more intentional about pursuing this in the future.