Contentment

My heart is not proud, Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child I am content.
Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.
- Psalm 131

Thus I have become in his eyes like one bringing contentment. – Song of Solomon 8:10

This year I am thinking about contentment. I am thinking about how easy it is to want things. Material things, like a new dress or designer bag; simple things, like not having to work twelve-hour hospital shifts on Christmas day away from family. Deep things, like a second child. Reasonable things, like knowing where we will be living next year.

To some degree I feel entitled to these things. I feel I need them; I feel if God were good he would give them to me. But none of that is true. I am not entitled to anything. I do not need them to be content. God’s goodness is not conditional, his sovereignty nothing less than complete. To believe otherwise is to lose perspective in light of my selfishness, to place faith in myself rather than in God.

If anyone had right to feel entitled, it would have been God coming into our world. But he was born to an ordinary girl in a stable. I read E these Christmas books, where the sheep smile down at the manger, the doves coo and the donkeys pull a warm blanket over the baby, and I think, what a load of hogwash. The stable probably smelled of manure, was drafty and definitely unhygienic. The hay was scratchy and the manger soaked with dirty water and horse saliva. It would be the equivalent of giving birth in a garage or parking lot.

I look at my sister’s baby lying on her chest. I think about E lying her head on my shoulder. And I think, God, give me a heart that is not proud and does not try to understand more than I can. Give me rest in contentment. He gives us the strength to be content, because he understands our deepest desires, our unspoken sorrows; he sustains us and gives us hope. He has shown us how, even from the beginning.

Then we can become like one who brings contentment, to friends and patients and those closest to us. And that would be a wonderful gift.