Dwelling

The only thing she’s really addicted to are books. Not a toy or stuffed animal, but books. When she was in daycare, the first place they said she seemed to feel safe was in the book bin, so they’d let her sit wedged in the corner of the bin all day. When we’re reading a book to her, she looks extremely seriously at the pages, as if she understands what we’re reading (which is obviously not true because she’s often focused on the wrong page). She flips over each page with great fervor, and sometimes so rapidly I only have time to read the first line of each page (“little kitten went to see the frogs – she sees mice hiding in the shed – but I’m not an owl”). Makes for an interesting story.

Often when we finish a book, she starts crying, and won’t calm down unless I start from the beginning again. I once read through “Thumper’s Scary Night” five times in a row in this fashion. The best thing about having my family visit was that everyone got to read through “Thumper’s Scary Night” five times in a row. It’s gotten to the point where I have to hide the book from her.

But most of the time, I enjoy reading with her. It forces me to linger, to be present with her, physically, mentally, and vocally. It’s time we spend away from the rest of the world, one of the few times she’s completely focused and still.

I miss this sense of dwelling in my life. I miss lounging with D on the sofa, reading books next to each other without speaking. I miss late-night talks with friends. I miss sitting in one place long enough for both cats to curl up next to me for awhile. I miss undistracted time with God.

Unlike E, no one really demands this from me, but something is lost when I don’t create space for it in my life. The Bible speaks of dwelling more than of doing: God wanting to dwell with Israel; Christ coming to dwell with us; and one day us dwelling in the house of the Lord forever. It is a promise to us, a picture of what home means: My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest (Isaiah 32).