Life Balance

We are on the latest iteration of evaluating work-life balance, that place of pressured reflection which comes after a building sense of depletion. The challenges seem greater here, without my parents, with less flexible and more demanding jobs, greater difficulty finding childcare, and the kids’ needs becoming more disparate as their ages now span three through nine—but in some ways the process is still the same.

Assess for burnout: do we have any of the symptoms (exhaustion, lack of motivation, cynicism and dread, resentment and irritability, or helplessness), and have we built in prevention practices (permission and pacing, community, hobby, physical care, spiritual space) or have those fallen by the wayside? Revisit mission and values: how much margin or focus have we lost? Examine our logistical life and emotional and spiritual health: are we spending our energy and time in a way that is consistent with what we say we believe?

This go-round, I’m being convicted that it’s not primarily about balance, aiming for equilibrium by shifting pieces around on the scales. It’s not about juggling, trying to keep all the balls in the air. There is no growth or joy in that, just survival, and as far as I can tell, Paul never describes the Christian life as a calibration—he uses the language of growth. We are a building growing up, he says, and a building always has a foundation, a cornerstone that provides both stability and direction, that lays out the lines of our lives and provides sure support. Logistical adjustments are okay and often necessary, but ultimately returning to rest and health is not so much a logistical calculation as a reorientation of focus. God is not an item on the list of my priorities; he is the list. My marriage is not a bullet on my to-do list; it is the primary earthly relationship from which so much else, including the health of our family, flourishes.

When it comes to foundational things, there aren’t shortcuts. Manufacturing grace and affection for Dave only goes so far if my heart and mind aren’t truly on him. Resisting the temptation to sin in my thought life or how I treat the kids only goes so far if I’m not closely relying on the Spirit and the Bible through daily engagement. Reposturing is an inward, conscious decision to consistently invest in what is most important, not what is most urgent or clamorous. It can require sacrifice, engagement in disciplines, or expending time or money. But once you have the foundation down, you know what direction to build, and you’re not afraid of how heavy it might be.