Another Birthday

Dave turns forty today.

I think the first thing one has to say about Dave is that he’s someone who is deeply principled. That was the first thing that attracted me to him, and it hasn’t changed. He went through a harder time growing up and more wanderings as a young adult, yet those things have made him more thoughtful about life decisions and mature about how to relate with people. He knew himself, and what mattered to him in life, better than any guy who had been interested in me; he was the first guy I felt like I wanted to follow.

One thing important to Dave is integrity: having outward and inward consistency. For a while I just thought that meant he purposely dressed down to avoid overly impressing anyone—now I realize that’s just a California thing—but he cares as much about how he acts at home as how he acts in public, about his outward life reflecting his inward values. To a consummate performer and image-projector, that was challenging and appealing.

Dave is also the most mood-stable and optimistic person I know. I’ve never seen him get really down—I think I’m pretty non-moody for a girl, but he makes me look positively mercurial. I gave him a pretty tough time at the start, never being sure if I still “liked” him, making him meet my parents on his own (I’ll never live that down), but he just persisted through it all, and the same through every subsequent potential destabilizer in our lives: seven moves in ten years; four kids in five years.

The last thing that must be mentioned is that he is an unusually effective communicator—he’s smart enough to catch on to things quickly; he thinks deeply; he expresses himself well verbally; he’s a talented writer. I always had this feeling that we could talk easily and endlessly, about anything—perhaps as a result too of his having the same shared principles, valuing vulnerability because of integrity, and never being too moody to talk—regardless, it gives me a sense that we can talk through, and go through, anything in life together. Being married was like an extension of being best friends, which I think was the best part of it all.

This year is special because we moved to Dave’s place, and living near his family, living in his area of the world, living among his friends, has helped me see why and how he is who he is. He is finally able to bring that whiff of adventure and being outside all the time to our kids; he is finally able to share with us the friends who are like family to him, and laugh in a way I haven’t gotten to see much. And I can’t help but feel like this is how God meant it to be: to take what I may bring, and where we’ve come with our life experiences, and come here, to the place Dave loves, among the people he loves, but with the purpose and values (and kids) we have both grown into together. My prayer for this year is that he would have a sense of rest and enjoyment here, that he would feel more fully delighted in by God in a way that too increases his enjoyment of Him, and that he would be used powerfully, and walk with integrity, through this time.