Why Have Kids?

Wow, that’s a big question. And not one I actually thought about much before having kids. I just always wanted a big family; wasn’t much deeper than a gut feeling. My thoughts on this are in retrospect, though I think in some ways having kids gives you a deeper understanding of the reason for having them.

What our culture would say is: have kids because it makes you feel good, or look good, or gives you purpose, or saves your marriage, or lets you live out your dreams through them. Otherwise, they’re a major inconvenience.

What does the Bible say about this?

The first command God ever gave in the Bible is to have kids (Gen 1:28; later to Noah in Gen 9:7). It’s the sixth day of creation, God makes man, then the first four words he speaks to them are, “Be fruitful and multiply.” Other than that, I don’t think God overtly says anywhere else, “you must have kids!” And certainly not everyone in the Bible had kids. But I think it’s clear that somehow, having kids is part of God’s design for marriage, of God’s intent for us and how we are to reflect Him—the verse right before Gen 1:28 says we are created in his image. It’s not a leap to imagine how the fellowship God enjoys in the trinity, and relationship of God as father and son, are reflected in parenting.

Ultimately, the desire to have kids should come from an understanding of who God is, of his purpose and desire for us to reflect him in that way. And we should do this regarding children as a blessing (Psalm 127), a gift, not as a burden: our lives aren’t about us in the end, anyway. The moments of greatest beauty, joy, and transcendence come often in the most difficult times of laying aside ourselves, and parenting is one of the best examples of that. I mean, the cuteness is all great, but the real reward is my sanctification. No other situation in life calls for me to give of myself and put aside my own needs so completely or constantly.

I’m not saying everyone ought to have kids, and many can’t for good reason, but I think the point is to be submitted to God in your introspection. To examine your motives either way and ask yourself, God, is this glorifying to you, or are my motives selfish? Because if you don’t want kids for selfish reasons, you may be missing out on the greatest chance to live out Christ and become more like Christ you will ever have. And if you want kids for selfish reasons, that will all fall to pieces pretty soon once you actually have kids and realize how much you can’t do it on your own or for yourself.

If I had to describe what having kids is like, I’d say it’s like living in a broader realm of emotional and physical experience. The highs are higher; the lows are tougher. There is the altered travel and social lifestyle, the dealing with bodily emissions, the chores, the periods of savage exhaustion: but then there are the moments of heart-turning joy and sweetness. The look in their faces when you know they’ve understood something. The times you realize they are revealing something deep about yourself. Finding them dearer because you are caring for them, because of the lows. And there is no purer opportunity to share the gospel: to take these little beings, unfiltered in their sin and their wonder, and live out the gospel. That is a reward all on its own.