The house is quiet right now. When you have a five-, three-,
and one-year old, that doesn’t happen very much. They’re actually pretty good
kids and play quietly not uncommonly, but there’s rarely this sense of
stillness. It’s a Saturday afternoon, and they are all asleep; even Dave is
napping. It feels like we worked for this quiet; we left from a church baptism
event perilously close to their naptime, and pulled out nearly every trick in
the bag to keep them awake during the thirty-plus minute drive back. Poor
Elijah didn’t take it too well, but if that guy sleeps even five minutes in the
car, he’s up all afternoon. I remember someone from our church saying he used
to hit his kids in the car on the way home to keep them up.
This fourth one is due in less than two weeks. I am feeling
at my most gravid, flanks bulging, fundus-to-sternum big, shuffling around
feeling like my innards are going to drop out. Physically, I am ready to be
done: evening acknowledging this is the last time, it is hard to savor anything
about it. My body takes pretty well to pregnancy, but I’ve never been one of
those women who relish the state.
Emotionally, I’m more and more ready. I always have this
nagging sense of fear as the time approaches, not that anything will go wrong
as much as dreading having to go through labor at all, but several things have
happened in the past few weeks that have helped. I’ve had two wonderful baby
showers thrown at work and church, which while unasked for, helped me feel that
I, and this baby, are anticipated and loved, which I think is rare in our
society for the fourth. It helps me see past the labor a bit.
God has also given me some good words of courage and
promise, through our study of Deuteronomy in BSF, and of Daniel in our church
small group. Just this past week we read, “be strong and courageous,” how the
Lord has gone before us and will not forsake us, how the three Israelites
yielded up their bodies and Christ walked with them in the furnace. Over and
over is the theme: the suffering or trial will be there, but be strong, have
faith, know you are not alone, know there is redemption and promise in the end.
And you can do it, just like the people who have before you, and the times you
have done it before. And several people have shared words they’ve received
about this baby, how she will do great things for God’s kingdom, how she will
knit together and complete our family, wonderful things that my short-sighted,
crippled-by-impending-labor self needs to hear.
There always seems to be this golden period just before the
next baby comes, a place of good balance just before everything gets upturned
again. Right now, we’re at a pretty healthy place: our jobs are growing and not
stressful; the kids are a delight and flourishing; we have a fulfilling
teaching ministry at church; we are connecting in our marriage. We have time
for a few hobbies. All three are sleeping in the same room and reliably through
naps and through the night. This seems to be about where God likes to shake
things up a bit. Guess we’ll go along for the ride and see…
