Journal Excerpt

Here’s what I’m going to remember about the day I turned thirty-one. I’m going to remember sitting in a rocking chair with a swollen belly, singing “doe a deer” at the top of my lungs while she dances around the room hugging her doll. I’m going to remember miming a puppet along to the lyrics, causing her to stand in front of me and giggle so hysterically she nearly turns blue in the face and chokes on her mango.

I’m going to remember D taking her outside to get the mail and the two of them sitting companionably on the porch steps, opening letters and looking out at the lawn.

I’m going to remember him running out to get a slice of lemon cake for me, a slice of strawberry cake for himself, and two candles, which we light at the kitchen table after I put her to bed.

I’m going to remember being close enough that my dad could come visit in the afternoon and help me run an errand.

I’m going to remember wondering if today could be the day the second one comes. I’ll remember feeling the weight of him moving around, making me pee in my pants so many times I had to do the laundry.

But I’m sort of glad he’s not here yet. It’s nice to have the day just for the three of us, for now.