Journal Excerpt

I am trying very hard not to feel like all I want to do is lie around and nurse my pregnant self. There was a point last week when I suddenly felt very third-trimester, like a switch had been turned on, though I’d been there for about a month. I don’t remember feeling this heavy last time, though I’m starting to wonder if my memory has gone totally haywire. I keep picturing that figure in Netter’s anatomy text of the pelvic floor muscles viewed from above, and imagine them getting looser and looser, like a hammock weighed down by too much. Lovely. I know I should have done those Kegels. I feel very much like a beached whale, dragging myself around the house while slightly out of breath.

It’s hard to describe how it feels when he moves. Once D saw a body part bumping up and said it looked like a hernia. That’s exactly what it feels like, or at least like what I imagine a hernia would feel like. Or a protruding ostomy. I remember the first time I saw an intestine protruding inside-out into an ostomy bag; it looked like an alien limb though of course I acted like it was completely normal.

I think D is getting tired of me asking him if he wants to feel the baby move. Last night he felt for the head, and in response got a series of punches followed by a major flip or roll that made me feel like someone was twisting my innards while occasionally stepping on my bladder.