I'm Back! (I Think)

So my sister asks me over Christmas break, “hey, are you going to write in your blog again?” and I’m pretty much speechless. Blog? What blog? Does that page even exist anymore? Does anyone care if it does? “I check it regularly,” she says. Wow, okay. So that’s where the one page hit I get a week comes from.

But the thought stuck. I’m going to try writing regularly, even though it feels like overcoming an incredible level of torpitude (is that a word? it should be), in an attempt to solidify the reflections I have from day to day, in particular what God is teaching me. If it provides food for thought, or empathy or encouragement for anyone else, great, but since I’m not even sure who still reads this, I think the point is to get something out there for myself.

Obviously I had to update the page. I could only do surface stuff of course since I’ve forgotten whatever rudimentary html I used to know. Couldn’t change the pretty meaningless banner text (“mysteries of life”? what is that?). Changed the profile photo from an artistic one of Ellie to a chaotic one with all the kids (but representative: at least one not looking at the camera, one about-to-get-a-root-canal grimace, one face blocked, all in jammies). Changed the job to part-part-time as I now work around ten hours a week. Really wanted to change the font (I love the new San Francisco font, ironically, from Apple), but no luck. The biggest laugh was updating the “on the bookshelf” list… I wish I read all those edifying things… settled for sticking in a kids’ book and leaving out the useless comfort-novels I’ve really been reading.

I used to have a lot of standards for my blog: must not talk too directly about the blog itself. Must be edifying and have an enlightening conclusion. Must be carefully edited. Must remain vague on personal identifiers. Ideally have an epigraph prefacing each entry. In other words, post only if it’s good enough to publish. I suppose those rules worked back in 2005 when it got Dave to blog-crush on me, but if I stuck to them now I’d never post anything. Especially the “reach an enlightening conclusion” part. So I am officially chucking them out the window. I’m just going to be honest about where I’m at. Here goes.

Here at the Place of All Beginnings

“It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out of your door. You step into the Road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no knowing where you might be swept off to.” -Tolkein, The Fellowship of the Ring

Welcome, from a rusty and itinerant writer. It’s been a long time since I’ve written regularly. In a sense much of residency thus far has been about surviving, something I see more clearly now watching D go through the experience. I didn’t have it in me much to pen more than bits of griping, but things are lightening up now at work. Much as earlier when things were facing a new stage—studying for the Boards and starting on the wards in med school, beginning to date and eventually getting married—another major shift in life is coming.

Writing is such a healthy practice for me; it’s how I best process and meditate, something I used to do deeply much more frequently than I naturally do now. It’s good to return to that. Writing encourages reading, observation, and spiritual genuflection. Still, it’s not something I do easily without external encouragement, probably because I am lazy at heart, so I ought to thank D and particularly my sister for bugging me to write. My dad even mentioned once, “write something your child can read down the line.” Weird thought.

This blog will be similar in spirit and style to my last one, Omer of Manna (www.xanga.com/eih). I felt the colors needed a change-up, and for all of that I must credit my sister again, who designed this entire webpage using the interface of her brilliant computer programming skills and the innate artistry I still envy. If it were not for her, you would be reading black text on an entirely white background.

The first few entries are back-dated. You’ll probably also find they’re fixated on physical topics, reflecting my obsession with constant nausea during the first trimester… I’ll try to expand topics in the future. Some posts are from previous writings that still resonate with me now.

That said, here’s to a fresh start! Welcome along for the journey. And warm thanks to faithful readers.

Week Fourteen (ie, thank God for the second trimester).